Womenality

These past few days, I’ve been dragging myself to the sea of worries and problems. Only now that I was able to come to my senses and decided to take a break. LOLz. One of my therapies each time I feel that I’m starting to drown myself with problems, are the practical jokes. I remember posting a few way way back here. So the next time you stumble new related postings of mine, please smile for me… I’m just at halt and having a good laugh!

A man is driving along in his car when he suddenly gets pulled over by the police, the man pokes his head out of the window and says “what seems to be the problem officer?” the cop looks bluntly at him and says “are you aware that a woman fell out of your car about 2 minutes ago?” the man let out a sigh “thank **** for that i thought i had gone deaf!”

How many men does it take to open a beer?
-None, it should be opened when she brings it to you

A job negotiator and a feminist were in dispute… The feminist was argueing over the different pay scales that her women were receiving…
Fem: Okay, why are women paid less than men for doing the same job that a man does.
Neg: It says in the Bible that women are worth less than men.
Fem: Where does it say that? I don’t think so.
Neg: Well, you do agree that woman was made from a rib, correct?
Fem: Yeah, so?
Neg: Well, there you have it. A rib is a cheaper cut of meat!

There are nine very important men in a woman’s life. They are:
Her Doctor; he says, “Take your clothes off.”
Her Dentist; he says, “Open wide.”
Her Veterinarian; he says, “And how is your little pussy doing today?”
Her Gardener; he says, “Do you want me to mulch your bush?”
Her Hairdresser; he says, “Do you want it teased or blown?”
Her Interior Decorator; he says, “You’ll like it once it’s in.”
Her Remodeler; he says, “It fits tongue-in-groove with a little hammering.”
Her Milkman; he says, “Do you want it in front or in back?”
Her Banker; he says, “If you take it out, you’ll lose interest.”

Well… I’m proud to be a woman..  *cheers*

Husband & Wife

Wife: Honey….. What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing…?? U’ve been reading our marriage certificate for an hour ??
Husband : I was just looking for the expiry date.
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Q – What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A – One Woman Brings U into this world crying… & the other ensures U Continue to do so.
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Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
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Stress Reliever # 1

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at
your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, “What other problem can there be greater than this one?”

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Stress Reliever # 2

Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It’s very kind of you, darling, But I don’t have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that’s because we aren’t married yet.

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Stress Reliever # 3

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy’s lap.
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Stress Reliever # 4

A newly married man asked his wife, “Would you have married me if my father hadn’t left me a fortune?”
“Honey,” the woman replied sweetly, “I’d have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE”

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Stress Reliever # 5

Father to son after exam: “let me see your report card.”
Son: “My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.”

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Stress Reliever # 7

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I’ll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the early warning.

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Stress Reliever # 8

A wife asked her husband: “What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?”
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: “I like your sense of humour.